omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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