Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
