He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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