just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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