Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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