My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
