She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
