I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
