It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
