Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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