3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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