this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
