just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
