Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
