So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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