So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
