she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
