Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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