hotel room ftw
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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