So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
