its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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