the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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