to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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