Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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