what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
