wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
her vagine was all disorganized.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
