Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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