There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
