end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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