I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
