so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
