he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
40s are totally the cure
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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