Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
