..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
