Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
