If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Randomize
