I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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