I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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