I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
