the new term for farting is butt boxing.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
