I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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