youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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