Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
