where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
