remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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