Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
