My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
