just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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