Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
