I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
