just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
