Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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