new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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