You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I need water and some morals
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
